I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
