Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
