More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
