Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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