Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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