just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
