I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
