dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
