What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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