I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
