who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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