Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
