thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Less talking, more tequila
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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