"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
