Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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