wat bout pragnant strippers??
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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