this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
