Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
