I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
