So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
