if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
