He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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