My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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