she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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