break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
