Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
