when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
