opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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