Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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