When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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