Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
