Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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