I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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