It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
