LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
