If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
