that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
