It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
