...so i touched it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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