he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
