You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
