Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
