Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
