I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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