Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
