I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's rum buckets o'clock
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
