I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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