someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
