Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
