I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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